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LinAlg course exam is quickly approaching. I’ve already decided I’m going to go with LinAlg II and Discrete Math next period, and see if I can just exam my way out of English. I feel like I have a relatively good grip on matrices, a rudimentary idea of what vector spaces are and some tools to deal with them, but I’m still sorely lacking the exposure to math in general I’d need to be able to see solutions to the problems I’m being dealt. Still, I guess the fact that I’m not entirely lost is something I can be proud of.

Work is getting interesting. I’m getting a new cow-orker on my project, been doing some preparations to reduce the amount of confusion and ramp-up in advance by trying to ensure he’ll have a place to sit in and access to all the systems he’ll need to work with. Not doing as well as I’d like in the Flex department, but I manage.

What free time I have left is mostly spent watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer with the missus — she’s pretty much hooked now, and I’m glad we’ve got something we can do together that doesn’t take a whole lot of preparing. If it did, it might not get done at all.

I feel stuck in a weird place in my head where I don’t really know who to identify with. It’s easiest at work, since those are the people I spend most of my waking hours with, and luckily I’ve been seated with a bunch of people with whom I share, if nothing else, then at least a sense of humor. Ideologically speaking, it feels like we’re worlds apart.

At the university, it’s not as clear-cut. I have basically one person I talk to on a regular basis, and two semi-regular. Seeing pictures from the freshman events is a bit strange — I wish I could have been there, but I still think I wouldn’t quite fit in. It’s just not possible to jell with people with whom one spends so little time.

Then there’s all the other people I call friends. This schedule basically rules them out entirely, not that I’d see them very much anyway.

I know it’s just a question of reaching out to people and keeping the bonds working, but it feels like it would take more effort than I can put in.

On Thursday I have an appointment with an eye surgeon. Am going to talk to him about the evisceration. The thought still gives me the chills, but chronic pain really isn’t something I want either.

4 comments

  • Woot, are you having ze eye removed or did I just miss the point here?

  • Not exactly removed as such. The troublesome part is carved out and replaced with a prosthetic. It should still move like a normal eye, but the iris is a fake, painted to look like the good eye.

  • Roger:) That seems kinda more reasonable, I find the thought of completely removing parts of one’s body somewhat disturbing.Hope it goes well:)

  • Wee-ell, I got some more details today, and um… most of the eye is removed. It’s replaced with a kind of a “blank” prosthetic that doesn’t curve the way the surface of the eye normally does, but it’s possible to add another prosthetic later to make it mimic a normal eye.Pros: when looking straight ahead, it would look more normal than what I have now. That, and no more pain.Cons: somewhat infection-prone, may irritate the eyelids, won’t move nearly as naturally as the real eye.

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